A Conversation with Brenda Hardwick on AngelTalk

What do you do when life changes faster than you can process it?

When an unexpected conversation, relationship shift, career change, family situation, or other disruption leaves you feeling dazed and confused, the temptation is often to react immediately.

I recommend something different.

First, find the eye of the hurricane.

That was at the heart of my recent conversation with my longtime friend Brenda Hardwick on AngelTalk with Brenda Hardwick. Our episode was appropriately titled:

“Change, Change, Change…Wait, There’s More?!”

And goodness, haven’t many of us lived through seasons that felt exactly like that?

What Should You Do When Change Blindsides You?

When sudden change hits, begin by assessing where you actually are.

Ask:

Am I physically safe?

Do I have food, clothing and shelter?

What is actually happening right now—not what I fear might happen next?

If your basic needs are secure, then what you may be experiencing is primarily an emotional or mental disruption rather than an immediate physical emergency.

That distinction matters.

When we’re startled, overwhelmed or confused, we often feel pressured to understand everything and make decisions immediately.

You don’t necessarily have to.

Sometimes the wisest first move is simply to step away.

If a conversation has completely blindsided you, you can say:

I don’t understand what is happening right now, and I am not able to process this conversation well enough to respond.

Then leave the conversation and give yourself time.

You do not have to solve an emotionally charged situation while you’re standing in the middle of it.

How Do You Find the “Eye of the Hurricane”?

I grew up on islands because my father was in the Navy.

When hurricanes came, we knew what to do. We moved into protected areas and waited.

But one experience from childhood stayed with me.

The eye of a hurricane is remarkably different from the storm surrounding it.

For a short period, there can be stillness.

And then the other wall of the hurricane arrives.

That experience became a metaphor I’ve carried through my life.

For many years, I felt caught inside the hurricane when life changed.

It took me decades to learn how to become the eye of the hurricane instead.

The world around me may still be moving.

Other people’s emotions may still be moving.

Circumstances may still be changing.

But I don’t have to move at the same speed as the storm.

The question becomes:

How do I return to my center before deciding what happens next?

Why Can the Past Become a Trap During Change?

When something unexpected happens, our brains immediately begin searching for precedent.

I’ve seen this before.

Last time this happened…

This always happens to me.

That can feel useful because our minds are trying to help us make sense of something unfamiliar.

But sometimes the past becomes a trap.

We start constructing a story about the present using evidence from situations that no longer exist.

That old narrative may have been appropriate once.

It doesn’t automatically mean it belongs here.

One of the great challenges of significant change is recognizing that we may be being asked to grow beyond the boundaries of the story we’ve been living.

Before assuming that today’s situation is simply another version of yesterday’s pain, ask:

Is this actually the same situation—or is my mind trying to make it familiar?

Why Can Thinking About the Future Create Overwhelm?

If the past can trap us, the future can overwhelm us.

We leap from the thing that happened today into fifteen possible consequences.

Then twenty.

Then fifty.

Before long, we’re trying to solve circumstances that don’t even exist yet.

This is why returning to the present moment matters so much.

Ask:

What do I know right now?

What do I have right now?

What is the next thing that actually needs my attention?

Not the next twelve things.

The next thing.

You may not be able to see the entire road from where you’re standing.

You rarely need to.

You need enough clarity to see the next step.

What Can You Do When Your Mind Is Spinning?

Start with something astonishingly simple.

Breathe.

There is even a breathing pattern researchers call the physiological sigh: a deeper inhale, another small inhale, and a longer exhale.

But you don’t need to turn breathing into another complicated project.

The larger point is this:

Before reacting, create a physical interruption.

Breathe.

Come back into your body.

Come back into the present.

Then ask yourself:

What do I actually know?

This doesn’t magically remove the change.

It creates enough space between the event and your response for you to choose rather than simply react.

Do You Have to Make a Decision Right Now?

Usually, no.

One of the things I have learned is that our minds can create tremendous urgency.

You need to answer.

You need to fix this.

You need to decide.

You need to know what you’re going to do.

Sometimes urgency is real.

Most of the time, especially in emotionally charged interpersonal situations, we have more time than we think.

You are allowed to say:

I need time before I decide what I think about this.

That is not avoidance.

That can be wisdom.

Why Shouldn’t You Rush Back to Happiness?

This may be one of the most important ideas Brenda and I discussed.

When something painful or disruptive happens, people often try to get back to happiness too quickly.

They want to jump from anger, grief or confusion directly into joy.

I don’t recommend that.

Move toward contentment first.

If you’re angry, notice the anger.

Don’t immediately shame yourself for having it.

Ask what it is showing you.

Why did that comment affect me?

Why did this particular situation trigger such a strong reaction?

What story inside me did it touch?

If your first answer is entirely about the other person—

Because she said this.

Because he did that.

—keep asking.

Eventually you may discover something much deeper.

Perhaps the current event touched an old belief or narrative you’ve been carrying for years.

Once you see that, the emotion often begins to change.

You’re no longer merely reacting to the person standing in front of you.

You’re understanding what happened inside you.

That understanding can create peace.

And peace gives you somewhere much sturdier from which to decide what comes next.

Pain and Suffering Are Not the Same Thing

During our conversation, Brenda and I also returned to a Buddhist teaching that has deeply influenced me.

Pain is part of being alive.

We lose things.

People disappoint us.

Bodies change.

Relationships change.

Plans fail.

Things we never expected arrive on our doorstep.

Pain cannot always be avoided.

But we have considerably more choice about how long we continue building narratives around that pain.

That doesn’t mean denying what happened.

It means recognizing when the story we are continuing to tell ourselves is increasing our suffering rather than helping us move through the experience.

What Does It Mean to Become the Eye of the Hurricane?

It doesn’t mean nothing bothers you.

It doesn’t mean you’ve mastered life.

It doesn’t mean you never become angry, frightened or confused.

It means you’ve practiced returning to yourself.

You learn to recognize:

The past may be trying to trap me.

The future may be trying to overwhelm me.

The present is where I can actually act.

So you assess where you are.

You breathe.

You give yourself time.

You listen.

You decide which direction you’re going to face when the next wall of the storm arrives.

And then you take the next step.

Not every step.

Just the next one.

About Brenda Hardwick and AngelTalk

Brenda Hardwick is the host of AngelTalk with Brenda Hardwick and the founder of The Light of Nature.

Brenda and I have known one another for years. In fact, years ago I was the person interviewing Brenda on The Practical Mystic Show.

This time, it was great fun to have the microphones turned around.

Brenda’s work explores angel communication, healing, spirituality and helping people connect with the guidance available to them.

You can find Brenda and more episodes of AngelTalk on her YouTube channel:

Brenda Hardwick — The Light of Nature
https://www.youtube.com/@brendahardwickTLON

And you can watch our full conversation here on this page.

Are You Going Through Your Own Season of Change?

If this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to invite you to join me for Open Friday Coffee.

Open Friday Coffee is a free weekly gathering built around three words:

Restore. Renew. Reform.

It is a place for people who are building again after change, disruption, transition or simply a season that asked more of them than expected.

We gather, have coffee, talk about what is actually happening in our lives, and look at practical ways to move forward without adding more pressure to ourselves.

You don’t need to have everything figured out before you arrive.

That’s rather the point.

Join me for Open Friday Coffee:
https://janinebolon.com/connect/

Bring your coffee.

Bring the life you’re actually living.

We’ll start there.